I write this with mixed emotions. I am currently working 3 days a week and I am sending my boys to daycare. On any given day, on any given day before COVID that is, I would describe myself as somewhat of a 'hero' (I am not wonderwoman by any means, but some days I must admit, I nail this whole working mother thing). I am a mother, a working mother who has a brilliant career with one of the world's top consulting companies. I have
worked incredibly hard, sacrificed a lot, completed my masters thesis while working full time with a husband (fake husband- we aren't married, but that's another blog), and raising a 2 year old at the time (toot toot)!
But today, and all the days since COVID "started" I dropped my boys off with a sense of irresponsibility and a heavy heart. COVID has changed our world, COVID has changed the way I think about my career and my apparent success. I dropped my boys off and I felt this overwhelming sense of guilt. I feel guilty for loving my job, for wanting to keep my job, for wanting to do the best in my job and to provide for my boys.
I work in safety and risk management, I understand short term pain for long term gain, I understand that sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the greater good (aka staying at home, home schooling our kids). I am at a loss as to how to resolve these emotions and come to terms with my decisions. I suspect that I am not alone here and many working parents are in the same dilemma every day as they kiss their kids goodbye and send them to school or care. So am I still on top of my game or am I an irresponsible and selfish parent? Let's hope my friends, that something changes quickly so that I can once again rise above and be the queen that I know I am!
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